


Hanging on Odin's Tree

by epkitty



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Other, Post-Series, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-01
Updated: 2011-03-01
Packaged: 2017-10-16 00:38:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/166589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epkitty/pseuds/epkitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sacrifice had to be made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hanging on Odin's Tree

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Tarot card 18, the Moon.

She couldn’t forget; that was true. It seemed there were things that _couldn’t_ have happened, but even those were sharp in her mind like the images frozen in a school yearbook. And there were things she wished, ardently, that hadn’t happened, but those, too, raced across her consciousness at every waking moment and at night twisted themselves into nightmares without the benefit of remembrance that they were over.

Over.

Over all old things and all things dear.

Hadn't there been someone she loved, once?

= = = = =

It seemed she walked the world without direction. She served as a barista in a coffeehouse in Paris. Her nametag read "Roxanne," but her work forms didn't. She never made any friends, and the boys who kissed her left her cold.

She shared her little flat with an old lady who cleaned the houses of rich women and told her stories of all their misdeeds. Anthy listened attentively while Chuchu ran around her desktop in tireless circles.

Paris, she decided, didn't agree with her.

= = = = =

No matter where she went, it seemed the stars were never bright enough, never as bright as she remembered them from another place.

But in her dreams, the stars burned bright as eyes, and blinked emotionlessly at her, going out one by one like birthday candles on a cake until she was left in directionless darkness, left swimming in it, drowning in it.

She reached out for a ghostly hand, but it never pulled her out.

= = = = =

Her life had become so monotonous, so seemingly pointless, she forced herself to remember that her entire purpose had once been to grant other people power. She'd taken that for herself, taken it back, taken her freedom, the freedom to make her own choices.

She exercised this freedom by making those choices. She walked the park at night, slept on the floor, left work early, bought ice-cream for everyone in line. She made up new names for herself. She introduced herself as Susan, Talia, Yasmine, Giovanna, Meiying, Antoinette, Maria, Tatyana, Greta, Sakura, Malika, Bridget, Virginie. And she made up new stories for herself. She told them she was an orphan, an actress, a lesbian, a beauty queen, a medium, a dancer, an heiress, a model, an addict, a writer, a cat-lover, an artist. She never said she was a student.

No matter how many lies she told, she never made herself more interesting, and the boys who kissed her only ever wanted one thing.

Sometimes, she gave it to them.

= = = = =

America was supposed to offer so many new things, opportunities especially. Anthy was not qualified to be anything but a waitress.

Her nametag read "Shawniqua" and her uniform was white and green. Her tips were average, and her smile grew more and more glazed.

The nightmares followed her across the ocean and she spent her nights tracing the cracks on the plaster ceiling.

= = = = =

She told herself it was freedom, but everyday felt more like a punishment for something she didn't do, or a test for something she didn't want.

In the end, she was no wiser than she ever had been. She knew a part of her would always be missing, but there wasn't anything to be done about it.

After all, someone had to break the world’s shell.

= = = = =

The End


End file.
